For years, I thought I was in control of my life.
I worked hard, stayed busy, and tried to keep up with the demands of my job.
But inside, I felt scattered.
My phone was constantly buzzing with WhatsApp messages and calls, customers walked in with endless requests, and my boss always had new “urgent” tasks.
No matter how much I did, I didn’t feel satisfied with my work.
Slowly, the cracks began to show.
I was irritated by small things, drained by impossible tasks, and tired in ways that no amount of sleep could fix. My workouts — something that used to bring me joy and energy — were often skipped.
When mental fatigue took over, I reached for the easiest comfort: food. Convenience store pastries and biscuits became my regular “meals.” They filled my stomach, but never my spirit.
After those high-carb binges, I’d forget tasks, lose focus, and feel horribly sleepy.
Even during travel, I wasn’t truly present. Instead of noticing the scenery, I found myself scrolling endlessly on my phone.
Somewhere along the way, I realized: I wasn’t living. I was drifting. That was the moment I began to search for mindfulness.
The Unsteady Start
Like many, my journey didn’t begin smoothly.
I picked up mindfulness, practiced for a while, then gave up — only to come back again when life felt overwhelming.
Bookstores were my sanctuary.
I often browsed the personal development section, where countless authors recommended meditation as a daily practice. At first, I thought meditation was boring, something reserved for older people. Still, the consistency of that advice made me curious. Maybe there was something to it.
But I quickly ran into confusion.
I couldn’t tell the difference between meditation, mindfulness, and Zen. Reading about it in Chinese only complicated things further — 静坐, 冥想, 禅, 正念 — they all seemed to blur together.
My First Steps: Headspace and Andy’s Voice
Eventually, I came across Headspace.
Something about the simple app design and the calm voice of Andy, the guide, gave me courage to try. I subscribed and began with the mini-courses.
The first lesson that struck me was about awareness.
Andy instructed me to notice — not focus — on the sensations around me: the sound of birds, the feeling of wind on my skin, the warmth of sunlight. That small shift changed everything. It wasn’t about chasing calm or forcing focus. It was about noticing what was already here.
Of course, the challenges came quickly. Within minutes, I often felt sleepy.
My mind wandered endlessly — the very reason I started meditating in the first place. I was frustrated, but at least now I was aware of the wandering.
That awareness itself was progress.
Encouragement from a Friend
At this stage, I was lucky to have a friend, K, who was deeply into Buddhism and meditation.
When I told him about my struggles, he reassured me: “It’s normal. Everyone faces wandering thoughts and drowsiness. They’re not obstacles, they’re part of the practice.”
That single reminder lifted a weight off my shoulders.
I realized I didn’t have to meditate perfectly. I just had to keep practicing.
A Surprising Device: Muse Headband
My curiosity led me to buy a Muse headband, a neurofeedback device that tracks brain activity.
When I wore it, I saw how restless my brain waves were — constantly up and down. I wondered what a trained meditator’s brain might look like.
So I asked K to try. For five minutes, he meditated with the headband on.
When I looked at the results, I was stunned: his brain waves stayed beautifully calm throughout.
That moment gave me proof that meditation wasn’t just “in the mind.”
With practice, it left a measurable impact. I was inspired to continue.
Going Deeper: Meditation Retreats
After some time, I joined Buddhist meditation retreats.
They weren’t easy.
Sitting cross-legged for long hours felt torturous. My legs ached, my back hurt, and my mind wanted to escape.
But between those waves of discomfort, I experienced a deep calm — a peacefulness unlike anything else.
Those retreats reminded me that mindfulness isn’t always comfortable. But beyond the struggle lies stillness.
Why I Started This Blog
Looking back, my journey into mindfulness has been full of restarts, challenges, and small breakthroughs.
It hasn’t been perfect, but it has been real. And that’s why I’m writing this blog.
- To share my personal journey of growth, struggles, and insights.
- To inspire others who may also feel scattered, restless, or disconnected.
- To keep myself accountable and present by reflecting on my own experiences.
I believe mindfulness isn’t just about meditation.
It’s about learning to live more fully, even in small moments — during workouts, meals, conversations, and everyday life.
So if you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your story too. What brought you to mindfulness?
✨ 3 Key Takeaways
- Mindfulness doesn’t start perfectly — it starts with noticing, even if your mind wanders.
- Support from friends, tools, or teachers can keep you motivated when challenges come.
- The journey is not about quick results, but about gradually becoming more present in everyday life.